OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
