Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
