Apparently you make a good broom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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