it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
