I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
