And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
