So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
