She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
