i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
