it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
