thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
