It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
