this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
