There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
