We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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