This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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