never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She needs sedatives and a leash
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
