My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
