You're so nebulous sometimes
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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