So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
