That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
