i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
