How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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