I CAN MOONWALK!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We just shotgunned beers for America
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
