Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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