party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
