if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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