Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
