My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
