I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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