i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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