do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I looked at my own cervix.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
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