The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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