ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
