I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
