I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
