lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
