I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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