I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
