just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
