dude i'm inner monologue high
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
