She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
