This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
