I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
