im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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