I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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