I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Drunk is a universal language darling
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
