PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
