awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
