You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
