She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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