drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
