Acid is not a monday night drug
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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