if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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